My partner and I both want to have a genetic relationship to our children - any advice?

I’m pretty certain I utter: “Technology is awesome!” at least once a day, if not more frequently.  One excellent development is that it is absolutely possible for a male same sex couple to have children with a genetic relationship to each partner – it just takes the addition of an egg donor to make the process work!

Adoption or Fostering Creates Wonderful Families

Of course, before we get into the surrogacy portion of this process, there are so many ways to create a family.  Many same-sex couples look into adoption as well as fostering (or fostering to adopt!).  Raising children is a rewarding and fantastic experience no matter what path you choose to complete your family.  The big catch with these options is that for many people the urge to have children that are theirs biologically is irresistible.

Pursuing Children the Biological Way

It’s a well-known scientific fact that generally, unless one partner is trans-gender, a same-sex male couple isn’t going to have a uterus between them. This necessitates the use of a gestational carrier to help with that portion of the process.  It is becoming frequently more common for two dads-to-be to find an egg donor and when it comes time to create the embryos have half of the eggs inseminated by sperm from each half of the couple.  This doesn’t guarantee an equal number of viable embryos, but it’s a great way to know you have the potential of having children who are half siblings to each other and also related to each of you!

Ways to Make Sure BOTH Dads are Related

Once the embryos are created couples opt to move forward in several way with surrogates, depending on finances and patience.  Many couples opt to search for a gestational carrier who is willing to undergo double embryo transfer and implant a genetic embryo from each - in the hopes that both embryos take and twins result.  Many people mistakenly believe this is guaranteed to be a cheaper way to have two children.  Unfortunately, twin pregnancies are more risky for both the gestational carrier AND to the babies, which can lead to higher medical bills (NICU stays can add up very quickly and twins generally come earlier and frequently require at least some NICU time) and may not equal cost savings in the long run.  Of course, there is also a very real risk that only one (or none) embryo takes, leaving the couple with only one child that is genetically related to them.

The solution to the double embryo quandary (and one that many reproductive endocrinologists will endorse as single embryo transfer is now thought to be the safest way forward) is to transfer to a gestational carrier one at a time and have multiple journeys through the gestational carrier process.  This leaves a couple with the difficult decision of who gets to go first!

In order to reduce the arguments over who goes first there is also the option of finding a surrogacy matching agency that is willing to help you plan a “twibling” journey.  During a twibling journey you would use two gestational carriers and have them undergo the IVF transfer at substantially the same time (if not on the same day if it is possible to coordinate!).  There are many logistical issues with this as it would be very difficult indeed if both carriers went into labor on the same day in different parts of the country!  (A great way to solve issues such as that is to use a smaller and more localized agency, such as Montana Surrogacy, who can make certain to find multiple gestational carriers within the same state or locality.)

It’s Just Too Expensive – What Now?

The final option, especially for those that would like the option to both be related but not the financial ability to have two surrogacy journeys, is to have the sperm mixed when the embryos are created, thus leaving no ability to know *which* partner is related to the resulting embryos, only the certainty that it is one of the two of you and leaving fate in charge from there.

There are so many ways to create a loving family and Colorado Surrogacy is proud to support everyone through that process, not matter what path they choose to take!