Is surrogacy right for me?
Surrogacy was the most difficult thing I have ever done, both emotionally and physically. I can’t even imagine how difficult it is for intended parents. Some IPs spend years dealing with infertility and loss. To then put all of their trust in a surrogate takes a lot of strength.
The surrogacy process, for both IPs and surrogates, starts out with a stranger asking you very personal questions. You’ll get medical exams, psych exams, interviews and paperwork galore. The entire process will probably take at least twice as long as you expect. I have a lot of surrogates apply and think they will be pregnant next month. Sometimes just getting the legal contract agreed upon by all parties takes over a month.
As a surrogate, you’ll spend more time with doctors than you might like. I very much dislike going to the doctor, so the first few months of the surrogacy process are really difficult for me. I had so many different medical devices and hands up in my business that it eventually became as normal as getting my haircut. You’ll have so many blood tests that the bruise on one arm might not heal before you have to get another blood draw (I obviously don’t like needles). Then there’s the hormone medications you need to take to get your body ready to accept the embryo. You might have needle injections, patches, pills and/or vaginal suppositories. This really depends on what the reproductive endocrinologist decides is best for your body. The medications have dozens of side effects that could make you pretty miserable. Some people don’t experience any side effects, I wasn’t so lucky. You might need to pay for things such as pre-natal vitamins or maternity clothes and then get reimbursed. So, you’ll need to be financially stable enough to be able to wait for a reimbursement, which is usually within a month. Then there is the birth and postpartum healing period that you need to consider.
Now that I’ve discussed some of the more difficult parts of being a surrogate, let’s talk about why it’s all worth it. You get to give some intended parents a priceless gift. You make families. The first time the IPs see their baby is a moment you’ll never forget. You did that. You brought that happiness to others. I can’t think of any other way to bring that much joy to another person. Because this process can be so emotionally and physically difficult, you’ll come out a stronger person. Because of my experience as a surrogate, I was offered this job I love as a case manager for Montana Surrogacy. I was interviewed to be in a documentary coming out in a year. I met people I would have never met. My kids saw me help others in such a big way and now they believe that helping others is a normal part of life and something we all should be doing. Surrogacy completely changed my life for the better. Even though it was so difficult for me, it was so worth it that I am doing it again. Bringing joy to others is addicting!
So, is surrogacy right for you?