Dear Honest Surrogate: What if my surrogate decides she wants to keep the baby?
The chances of serious issues occurring during a surrogacy journey are pretty slim. The media likes to focus on the surrogacy journeys that didn’t go well because that’s what sells. So, when people hear about surrogacy, they often think negatively about it because that is all they have heard. After being a surrogate twice, personally knowing a lot of surrogates and working in the surrogacy industry I can honestly say, those negative stories are VERY rare. Most of the time, things go very well and it’s a joy filled experience for all involved.
Dear Honest Surrogate: Whenever I tell people that I’m going to be a surrogate, they always have a surrogacy horror story to tell me. The most recent story I heard was about a surrogate not getting reimbursed or compensated and she had to take the intended parents to court. How do I avoid this happening? -Worried
Dear Worried: The best way to avoid problems with getting reimbursed or paid your base compensation is to research agencies and pick an agency that requires IPs to put the money in an escrow account before you are even due any payments. This will guarantee the money is available when you need to be reimbursed or when your monthly base compensation is due to you. It’s unfortunate that the surrogacy horror stories seem to be the ones we hear the most. When in reality, it’s very rare for things to go wrong. Things don’t always go as planned during a surrogacy journey so it’s important to be flexible but when it comes to money and legal issues, this should all be squared away before the pregnancy to ensure things go as smoothly as possible.
Dear Honest Surrogate: How do I know my surrogate won’t try to keep the baby? This is my worst fear after years of infertility and heartbreak. Surrogacy is our next option but I am hesitant because of this fear. -Fearing the worst
Dear Fear: This is a common concern among intended parents, you are not alone. As a surrogate, friends, relatives and strangers quite frequently ask how I know I won’t want to keep the baby or if I’ll have a hard time “giving the baby away”. Start by researching agencies and pick one with a good reputation. If the agency you go with is reputable they will have done an extensive screening of all of their surrogate applicants. This takes a huge load off of your shoulders. At Montana Surrogacy the surrogate and her partner will undergo a medical screening, psychological screening, background checks, interview and she will fill out an extensive application. After all of this, very few make it through to be cleared and ready to meet intended parents. We are confident that those who do make it through are prepared for their surrogacy journey and have no desire to have another child. It is also not legally possible for a gestational surrogate to get custody of the baby they are carrying. Through the legal process, that is required to be completed before the pregnancy occurs, contracts ensure that the gestational surrogate and her partner have no right to keep the baby.
There are a lot of issues that can arise during a surrogacy journey if you don’t do your research and pick a reputable agency. That’s why agencies are here, we want you to have the best possible surrogacy journey! It can be an overwhelming process but we will help you every step of the way and make sure everything is done correctly.
It’s still important to be flexible because a lot can happen during the journey that wasn’t planned. For example, I’m 35 weeks pregnant with a second surrogacy baby. In the first trimester we found out that the intended father has cancer. We had our whole journey planned out. They were going to come up for a holiday and an ultrasound. We were hoping they would be able to feel the baby move in my belly before the birth. We had to let go of all of that because the IF has weekly chemo treatments and can’t make the trip. My first surrogacy journey also didn’t go as planned. We had a birth center birth planned but the baby decided to come at 34 weeks and a hospital was required for the birth. The dads were not in the state, one wasn’t even in the country when I called to tell them I was in labor. Everything worked out in the end because we were all willing to be flexible. So far, both of my journeys have been very positive experiences and I wouldn’t change a thing about them!