Dear Honest Surrogate, “Love” pregnancy a requirement?
Dear Honest Surrogate,
I have heard several times when people talk about surrogacy that you should "LOVE" being pregnant if you want to be a surrogate. I didn't "love" being pregnant but still want to help someone. Does anyone else feel like that? Can I still be a surrogate? Genuinely concerned at my chances.
We brought in a guest to answer your question this time as we feel like current experience is always best. A huge thank you to Ally B, who is currently carrying a surrogate pregnancy in Montana, for talking this through with us!!
While loving to be pregnant is certainly going to make your journey more enjoyable, it isn't a requirement. The unlisted "requirement" that I actually feel is most important is research.
It is very important before you decide upon being a surrogate to do all kinds of research, including soul-searching. Do you hate being pregnant and feel like nothing in the world could be worse? Then yes, in that case surrogacy is not a great choice for you. However, pregnancy isn't only love it or hate it. For instance, I would never say "the L word" about pregnancy and was never one who felt I "glowed," but here I am a surrogate. To me, pregnancy, even with my own, was only ever a means to an end: a healthy baby. So, no, I don't like pregnancy and its symptoms, like, AT ALL, but I do absolutely love the product of pregnancy.
I joke when discussing pregnancy and children that I am one of the rare few who would rather spend two weeks in labor if it meant I could skip 40 weeks of pregnancy. I know, that sounds crazy, but hear me out! Labor is productive; the one part of pregnancy where my hard work is really "paying off" and that moment when the baby is born is nothing short of PURE BLISS, an indescribable high. That one moment is completely worth weeks of discomfort and days of pain.
So no, I don't love pregnancy and don't feel I need to in order to be a great surrogate, because for me it’s never been about the gratification of being pregnant, but about the gratification of helping someone else experience that magical moment. And, selfishly, I get to be a small part of more of those moments now that my family is done.
To be a surrogate there are a million medical requirements, and it is a HUGE decision that requires research, detailed discussions and decisions, and a lot of soul-searching, but loving pregnancy isn't one of those requirements, so long as your motivation is for the right reasons.