Montana Surrogacy - Support is Key!
Growing your family changes everything. I giggle inside when I hear people without children say they want to have a baby, but they aren’t going to change their lifestyle. It’s fun in theory to think you can continue to live an adventurous lifestyle with a baby, but it’s much harder in practice. One way to ensure you don’t lose yourself completely when you become a parent is to set up a good support system. This is especially important during a surrogacy journey.
Since surrogacy isn’t the traditional way to become a parent, sometimes people don’t know how to support you, even if they want to. Sometimes they aren’t sure if you are comfortable talking about how you are growing your family, so they avoid talking about it all together. It’s ok to make your expectations clear. It’ll probably be greatly appreciated for those that are unsure how to act. You can ask the people closest to you to help organize a baby shower, a meal train for after you bring your baby home and even a postpartum party.
Postpartum parties are my new favorite trend. Some parents are having postpartum parties instead of baby showers, or they have both! A postpartum party can be a small gathering of your closest friends and family. They come over after the baby arrives and clean your house, do your laundry, get groceries, hold your baby while you shower or nap and anything else you need help with. Sometimes you just need a group of your closest people to vent to about all of the changes in your life. If any of them are parents they can most likely empathize. Most parents aren’t prepared for how difficult those first few months are, and a postpartum party can give a little relief. It also doesn’t have to be a “party” or have everyone at once. You could arrange for one friend or family member to come over once a week for the first few months to help you with things that you just can’t get around to doing.
Another key support tool is therapy. Therapy is especially important during a surrogacy journey. Surrogacy is a roller coaster for all involved. Even if you don’t think you’ll need it, find a therapist early on that you’ll be comfortable going to if you need talk things out. I have personal experience with this during my last surrogacy journey. The intended mother I carried for ended up putting too much on me and I was overwhelmed. I felt like her main support system AND I was carrying her child. It was too much. It was an awkward and exhausting position to be in and it didn’t end well. If she had a therapist to bounce things off, things would probably have gone so much smoother.
Support, communication and flexibility! In my opinion, those are the most important things to remember during a surrogacy journey.
Amber Campanelli ~ The Honest Surrogate